I Want My Two Hours Back
Its Sunday afternoon, the anticipation is building throughout the country for the next big sporting event, and where do I find myself? In a videogame store chit chatting with a few good friends of mine, no worries about missing kick offs, because well, I've just about missed the whole football season; why should I start caring now? 'Whelp' I said, as the clock struck 10 to 5, "I better get home before I'm crucified for missing any part of 'THE BIGGEST GAME OF THE YEAR!! SUPERBOWL XVIII,' as my father likes to put it." So I come running out of the store (arms-a-flailing), jump in the ride, turn the car on, kick in the turbo (yeah I wish), and zoom off as quickly as possible toward my home.
After weaving in and out around all the slow pokes on the road, I skid into my driveway, check the clock, then catch some quick relief, "I got 3 minutes to spare." I hopped out of the car and into the house with the quickness, leapt over the couch and with an amazing grace, hit the ground with one foot performing some kind of immaculate gymnastics flip, and snatched the right of the "best seat in the house" away from the ol' man (perfect tens 'round the board, and the crowd goes wilds, HHHAAAAAHHHH!!!!). The well-warn bark-a-lounger was feeling as comfortable as ever, twas' a victory well worth the effort, to bad I couldn't say the same for the actual football game.
I seemed to have arrived right in time for a certainly. well. ah em. 'colorful' rendition of our countries national anthem. From there, I surely expected this to be a long and tedious night.
At the beginning of the game I said to myself that I wouldn't let my hatred of the patriots ruin the experience; hopefully I could sustain this attitude throughout duration the game. Hah, well the fell through about 6 minutes into the quarter one. As I continued to watch the fairly boring game, the only thing that seemed to catch my eye were the commercials in-between, and even the vast majority of those were fairly disappointing this year.
What in gods name is 'M-Life?' They were pumping out adds like no tomorrow, now if I was actually told what it was, I might have considered buying one, or it. Oh well, they get nothing from me now. The game fought on, field goal, YES, rams score. But wait touchdown, touchdown, "this game is worthless I'm through." As I motioned to get up from my the comfy thrown, I catch a glimpse of the new Pepsi commercial and decide to settle back in my seat.
YAY, we get to watch Britney Spears romp through 40 years worth of musical style, who would have ever thought of such an inventive idea (rolls eyes)? Gimme' a break, these people must truly be suffering from the domination of Coke for so many years. They've got no chance of converting this fan, no matter if they are flaunting, shaking, and practically throwing T&A in my face. Sure the bodies nice, but that face still needs a lot of work.
Wait, where's the focus of the game gone? Who really cared at this point? The score was 14 to 3, and no hope in sight for this Ram team. Half time, (ALREADY?!?!) great, lets get some more. 'colorful entertainment'.
Guess what folks we've got the HUGE, colossally boring, insanely old, gag-me-I'm-so-lame, trying-to-be-hip-wearing-sun-glasses-at-night, check-out-my-new-60-year-old-leather-coat band U2. Here's something I bet you all didn't expect; they sucked! They sucked at the Superbowl, they sucked in the past, they suck now, and are forever destined to do exactly that, SUCK! "Oh you just don't like U2 because you've never actually listened to their music," I've often heard, how wrong people can be. I try to look at myself as a jack of all trades, and being a DJ, I listen a vast amounts of music, everything from classical, to rock, to jazz, to pop, to hip hop, to r-n-b, to jungle, to techno, to reggae, to. well you get the point. You name it; I've listened to it, if not 'it' specifically the general genre of 'it'. Man how ignorant people are, the Beatles I can respect, these guys, Euro trash, what are the doing on my TV?! At this point, I decided to just about give up. I was only watching for the enjoyment of the new commercials. Everything else about the event seem to be turn out so poorly, maybe this would be the pick up.
I was looking for an increase in the quality and humor of the commercials, and well I got it. First up the levis commercial, now this is what I like to see, TONS of girls in panties trying on a pair of pants, simple, plain, to the point, magnificent idea, kudos Levi! Puppets get fired from Lipton's Brisk commercials, quite humorous, though I will miss their rendition of Mr.Stalone as Rocky ("who keeps ringing that bell I can't concentrate!"). These commercials were all good, but the MVP and savior of the night was clearly the famed Budweiser Beer. And I quote,
"We know of no brand produced by any other brewer, which cost so much to brew and age, our exclusive Beachwood aging produces a taste, a smoothness, and a drinkability you will find in no other beer at any price,"
.word! They came away with the title this time. Each and everyone of their commercials deserves classic status, "Mini-Fridge vs. Inflictor" (mini-fridge defeats opponent with the distraction of a Budweiser its central compartment, then WHAM, big hammer, acme style), "The Falconer" (falcon retrieves bud from outdoor cafes for the owner at will), "Cedric The Entertainer" (you just have to see that one, HAH!), "Card Commercial" (everything is perfect with a Budweiser, including a no effort love card for your anniversary), "125th Anniversary," "Victory Lap," "Satin Sheets (Bud on satin, what could be more beautiful?)." Their lineup was really something else, you should feel bad if you missed it, so much quality material, clearly the highlight of the night!
After the decline in commercial content, I turned my interests back to game, and was disappointed even further. Rams fight back to gain 2 touchdowns, with less than a minute left the Patriots work their way back to mid-field, and let their kicker do the rest of the work with a 50 yard field goal attempt; the ball sails through the two high-risen-poles as time runs out. Crowd goes wild, I got to sleep.
Overall a disappointing experience on all counts, save Budweiser. The Superbowl used to be an event I looked forward to, one that inspired me to watch football for oh so long, I fear those days are now dying down. What was once a great interest has turned into an indifference of opinion. The only thing that seems to be dependable are the 'commercial' events that's go on now from year to year. Maybe next years Superbowl wont be so over-shadowed by its commercials, hit half-time and opening acts, maybe next year the Superbowl will be the main event, maybe next year pigs will fly, and the blimp will crash into the stadium like we all really want to it do, maybe next year, I and the millions of Americans will actually give a damn, but until then, we're stuck with what we got, try to make the best of it I guess. Until the next year ladies and germs. adieu